Confessions Single Lessons

Are We Attracted to Rejection?

Hey Beautiful!

Dumb question, right?

Of course we’re not. We hate being single. We want to be in a relationship. If we see one more wedding/baby announcement on social media, we’re going to scream. We’ve tried dating our way, God’s way, society’s way. There’s no way we’re attracted to rejection.

But let me ask you this…

Why do we adore the ones that ignore us, and ignore the ones that adore us?

It’s almost as if we turn down the nerd, in favor of the jock.

We want the one who’s aesthetically pleasing, posses that “cool” factor, well known, well liked, checks off everything on our lists. Basically, he’s the guy that everyone wants, who constantly ignores us. And it’s not to say that we’re not worthy or “good enough”. But when it comes to us, even though we are overlooked, under appreciated, or worse, taken advantage of, it doesn’t stop us from wanting them.

We change our hair, test out different makeup techniques, lose the weight, do everything we can to get them to notice us, just so we can solidify our place with them. It doesn’t matter that we may not be on their radar, it doesn’t matter that they can be inconsiderate, it doesn’t matter how much time they’ve wasted, how much time we’ve wasted. All that matters is the sliver of hope that one day, the feelings will finally be mutual.

Then when things don’t go our way, we’re beating ourselves up over what went wrong, and vow to never go back to someone like that again.

We take time off, work on us, then after a while, realise we’re over being single. And we just want a relationship with a really nice guy. Someone who is kind, thoughtful, respectful, fun to be around, treats us like a queen. Most importantly, wants us.

Then we meet him. The first thing we notice is, aesthetically, he’s not our type. He’s lacking that “cool” factor. He doesn’t quite dominate the room when he walks in. He doesn’t meet certain standards, in other words, he’s basic. Oh, and the thought of sleeping with him, is out of the question.

But he worships the ground we walk on. Will stop at nothing to see to it that we have a permanent smile on our faces. Can’t wait to show us off. Includes us in his plans. In short, he treats us the way we’ve always wanted to be treated.

And what do we do…?

We pick him apart. Overlook him. Hesitate on bringing him around others. And eventually toss him to the side. We do the exact same thing to him, that was once done to us. Then find ourselves back in that same, repetitive cycle of being single, reciting those same prayers for a forever bae, and telling others how no one wants us.

Sis, can I be honest with you?

Sometimes we sabotage our own happiness, and dreams of a fairy tale ending, because we’re holding on to the fact that what we want isn’t packaged the way that we expect. We maintain this idea that he has to look, dress, talk, act, and be a certain way. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s just not realistic.

Now listen, I am not telling you to settle. And yes, I am talking to myself when I say this, but we’ve got to get out of our own way, and understand that maybe what we want isn’t what we need. We have to recognize that sometimes, our refusal to release our idea of a perfect man, can delay the love we deserve for much longer than what it’s supposed to. We have to acknowledge our knight in shining armor when he’s staring us in the face and let go of the notion that there is someone “better”.

Let’s end this perpetual cycle of attracting rejection, and open ourselves up to the possibility that although our forever bae may not fit our perfect description, he will give us our perfect ending.

Xoxo, Racquel

 

(1) Comment

  1. Crystal Santoría says:

    I don’t think anyone is attracted to rejection as much as they are comfortable or immune to it. Some just out up a wall because they feel rejection is coming so if it sounds like rejection in any form they’re ready and can now begin the process of going through the motions.

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