Confessions Single Lessons

Be the Candy, Don’t Be the Stick

Hey Beautiful!

So one Thanksgiving I was having cocktails and girl talk with my favorite aunt, and she asked why the guy I was seeing wasn’t there or why I wasn’t with him. I tried explaining that he was with his family and friends, but that just wasn’t good enough for her. The truth is, I don’t think I really had an explanation for it. I wanted to be with him, but he and I had never discussed spending the holiday with together. Besides, he had already made plans for Thanksgiving, and I didn’t want to seem like I was imposing.

My aunt saw straight through the tired explanation I was trying to give her, and asked if we would at least be spending Christmas and New Year’s together. I then told her that he already had plans and I didn’t ask to be a part of them. Upon hearing this, she put her drink down, looked me in the eyes and said, “Rocky, be the candy, don’t be the stick”. Of course, I had never heard that before so I asked what that meant.

She proceeded to tell me that if I was important to him, he would have made sure that I was with him on at least one of those three holidays. Because he already made plans that didn’t include me, showed that I was being treated like the stick. Again, I asked what she meant.

She said, “The candy is savored, it’s valued. Everyone wants the candy, everyone comes back for the candy, everyone takes their time with the candy. The stick is disposable, it gets thrown away.” And because I was not considered in his holiday plans showed that I was being treated like the stick.

This blew me. I mean I really thought we loved each other, but when my aunt broke it down, I was left speechless. After Thanksgiving, I was left with so many emotions. How does he feel about me? What do I mean to him? What are we? Where are things going with us? Do we have a future together?

I kept everything going with him until after the holiday season (yes, it was spent without him), and finally broke things off. Left feeling heartbroken, I ran the events of our relationship through my head and it occurred to me that I was being treated like the stick all along. I was just so in love with him and the fact that he wanted me, that I overlooked it.

Beautiful, I have a question for you, how many times have you settled for much less than what you deserved, and accepted anything, even if that meant being treated like the stick, just to escape your singleness? How many times have you wanted to be treated like the candy, but was so afraid of losing that special guy, that you never confronted him? How many times have you painted this beautiful picture of him to your friends and family, knowing deep down inside that you were disposable and could be thrown away?

If you’re anything like me, more times than you care to remember. Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in having companionship, that we ignore the signs that are right in front of us. We choose not to acknowledge bad behavior, hoping and praying things will change, when in reality, we are helping to set the tone for the relationship. We disregard that fact that they might not be the ones for us, but we want so badly to make it work, that we convince ourselves otherwise. Or for some of us, we forget our worth and say yes to anything. After all, anything is better than nothing.

Hear me when I say this, Beautiful, you are worth more. You are the candy, always have been, and always will be. And don’t you dare, for one minute allow anyone to treat you like you like you are less than that. You are valued, you are important, and you are beyond good enough. You are precious. And anyone who is going to treat you differently, or having questioning yourself, is not the one for you.

Now I would be lying if I said it was easy to resist the urge to call the wrong person when I felt lonely, or wanted someone to take me on a date. But the reality is, it’s not. In fact, that’s one of the hardest things to do when all you want is for someone to be in your presence and pay you some attention. But girl, it’s just not worth it.

My favorite quote from Samantha Jones on Sex and the City was, “I love you, but I love me more”. Love yourself more darling and recognize the sugary, sweet, candy-coated goodness that you possess within, and refuse to allow anyone to dispose of you ever again.

Hey Beautiful, have you ever allowed someone to treat you like you were disposable? Tell me your confession of when you said bye to being the stick, and hello to being the candy. Leave your tale in the “want to be featured?” tab. I want to hear from you!

Xoxo, Racquel


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