So let’s talk “Broken Man Syndrome” or BMS.
Now I keep telling myself that it is not my place to decode the broken man, but when speaking of brokenness, men are oftentimes neglected. Society seems to think that this only applies to women, but in reality, men are silent sufferers of this syndrome.
BMS can be described as a man who has been so badly burned by the women in his life (mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, former lover, etc.), that he’s incapable of letting things go, and nothing you do is right. Signs include, but are not limited to:
- No matter how many times you apologize for something, it’s never good enough.
- Refuses to see things from your perspective, and insists that you’re trying to “control the situation”.
- Places the weight of the relationship on your shoulders.
- Keeps rehashing the same argument.
- Overly sensitive.
- Starved for attention and desperate for validation.
- Falls in like (but calls it love at first sight) really quickly.
- Always has to have the last word, then gets an attitude when you don’t have anything to say following his previous statement (confusing, I know).
- Typical response to everything starts out with, “See the problem with women today is…”?
When coming in contact with someone diagnosed with BMS, you generally find yourself with migraines, doubt, guilt, constant confusion, and anger. And in severe cases, anxiety and fear of answering phone calls, text messages, and DMs because there is a chance the conversation will result in an argument.
Men with BMS are some of the hardest to be with, because their pride and ego prevent them from coming to terms with their issues, and forgiving those who hurt or didn’t love them properly. When encountering an individual with BMS, you have two options:
- If you are able to look past his hurt and see his potential, be patient, understanding, nurturing, supportive, and most importantly encourage him to get healed.
2. Run. Like. Hell.
When choosing option #1: As women, we are nurturers by nature, and in some cases, feel it is our job to heal everyone. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to stand by your man and help him in his time of need, do understand that you, yourself need to be healed and whole as well. You cannot “fix” or be this man’s peace when your spirit and heart are broken into pieces.
This is extremely important because not only can you not pour from an empty cup, but there will be times where you find yourself giving and taking on so much, that it can either trigger hidden emotions within you, or worse, deplete you of everything. And don’t forget, when helping a man with BMS, there is a chance that after he’s cured, and you’re empty, he may leave you for someone else. We’ve seen countless examples of this in movies, heard about it in songs, and some even have first hand experience (I know I have). Govern yourself accordingly, sis.
When choosing option #2: If you know that you do good enough keeping yourself together, and just don’t have the band-with to take on anyone else, keep him in prayer, and get out. There is nothing wrong with suggesting that your BMS-plagued man find a good church home, a therapist, and some friends to help work through his problems.
That and, BMS can come with unexpected and unwanted drama. And you are not selfish for not wanting to subject yourself to that. In your pursuit of meeting your forever bae, you are not obligated to help take on this man’s problems to prove your loyalty. He’s hurting, and could potentially hurt you in the process. So run like hell, sis. Run. Like. Hell.
Oh, and just an FYI, the signs for BMS can apply to women too. That’s what we like to call BWS or Broken Woman Syndrome. So girl, if you find yourself being able to relate, then I urge you to put the dating aspirations on pause, and get the healing that you deserve. You owe that to yourself, and so much more.