“A broken woman should stay single. She is angry and unable to give or process what a man needs as she is still hurt.” – unknown
So let’s talk Broken Woman Syndrome or BWS.
Now as much as it pains me to have to break down the broken woman, after my post on Broken Man Syndrome, I would be remiss if I didn’t. That and, little known fact, part of the reason why I started The Art of Single, was to not only help overcome my own, but to provide an outlet for women and their brokenness.
Unlike our male counterparts, society does not neglect women when it comes to being broken. In fact, there are all kinds of ministries, support groups, and conferences dedicated to us gals getting much needed help. But even though we are provided with far more opportunities than the men, like them, we can be silent sufferers too. Because of our silence, we are oftentimes reluctant to seek solace for our issues, resulting in generational brokenness, widespread depression, and years of masking our problems with two words: “I’m fine”.
And for the single woman who desires long term companionship, being trapped in your brokenness can drive even the most patient man away.
Broken Woman Syndrome can be described as a woman who has unresolved issues with the men in her life (father, grandfather, brother, uncle, former lover, etc.), and finds herself going from relationship to relationship in hopes of escaping her brokenness. Sufferers of BWS also tend to attract the same kinds men, because sadly, that’s all she knows. Signs include, but are not limited to:
- Low self-esteem.
- Fear of abandonment.
- Lack of confidence.
- Looking at kind gestures with skepticism.
- Inability to show affection.
- Feelings of worthlessness following a failed relationship.
- Overlooking bad behavior.
While venturing into the dating world with BWS, our partners can experience extreme confusion, guilt, frustration, feelings of having to be our personal saviour, and overcompensation for what every man has done in the past. And in severe cases, will look at us as weak, recognizing that we need them more than they need us, and take advantage of it every chance they get.
Women with BWS can also be very difficult to love because we oftentimes go back and forth with what we want. And this is due to us never addressing the cause(s) of our brokenness in the first place. We wind up feeling restricted, unable to express what we truly want out of fear that our partner will walk away, leaving us broken and alone.
When encountering men without having overcome our BWS, we have two options:
- Seek healing on the side, and when the time is right, have an open and honest conversation with our partner.
- Do. Not. Date.
When choosing option #1: It can be a very difficult thing to get the help you need while embarking on a new relationship. It can be even more difficult to trust your partner enough to be vulnerable with him while on your journey to healing. Understand beautiful, it takes an incredible about of discernment to let someone in, while in this state. You have to make sure that your partner is in it for the long haul, and is fully invested in not only you, but your overall well-being.
Also, getting to the root of where this brokenness stems from will leave you feeling very fragile, and open to the many different emotions that come along with the territory. Because of this openness, you have to make sure that your partner isn’t broken either. And if he is, he MUST be committed to getting his own healing. If not, the two of you will find yourselves transferring this broken energy back and forth, causing you to be a detriment to each other, and everyone around you. And to be honest, don’t nobody have time for that.
When choosing option #2: If you know that your brokenness is so deeply-rooted to the point where it has disrupted every area of your life, and damaged several relationships, read my lips: Do. Not. Date.
At no point should you allow someone into your life, exposing them to unresolved traumas that have plagued your entire being. As the saying goes, “Hurt people, hurt people.”, and sis, no one deserves that kind of pain. Get a therapist, find a good church home, build a solid support system of friends and family, and start your healing.
Your future forever bae will thank you.
As I stated before, part of the reason why I started this space was to deal with a few of my own broken areas, so please know that every word I said, comes from first hand experience. I got my healing sis, and it’s time for you to get yours too.