Confessions Men & Dating Single Lessons

But Aren’t You Married…?

Hey Beautiful!

Have you ever encountered a man who gave off such odd vibes, you had no choice but to ask, “But aren’t you married?”

Now sis, over the years, I have had the unfortunate experience of unknowingly dating and dealing with married men. And although I’m no expert, based on my observations, I’ve compiled a list of things you need to know, so that you don’t find yourself in that same predicament. Or if you do, what to look out for so that you can get out before getting in too deep.

So without further adieu allow me to share with you my top ten ways to know if your bae belongs to someone else:

  1. Insists on taking you out of town. – They may tell you that it’s so that they can “spend quality alone time with you”. But really, it’s easier to wine and dine you when he doesn’t have to worry about running into his wife, or any of their mutual contacts.
  2. Pays for everything in cash. – Because you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their bank and credit card statements, and he does not want his wife questioning him about any odd charges.
  3. Never answers your phone calls/Immediately sends you to voicemail, only to call you back 5-10 mins later. – He wants to be able to freely talk to you over the phone without having to speak in code.
  4. Never answers his phone in front of you. – Wifey may be calling, and he doesn’t want to say anything that may give away his secret.
  5. Never likes to take pictures with you. – In the age of social media and the internet, you may post it somewhere, and it could potentially get back to his wife.
  6. Dates are spur of the moment and rushed. – His wife comes first. So while you would like for him to make time for you, you’ll always be fit in during his spare time. And, he can’t stay out too late. He has a curfew and can’t have his wife questioning his whereabouts.
  7. Calls at weird hours. – He can only call you when his wife isn’t around or when he has a moment alone.
  8. Never spends the night. – Self explanatory. How many married men do you know of that are out here spending random nights away from home?
  9. Don’t know where he lives. – Why? So you can pop up on him? Even though he’s cheating, he’s not going further jeopardize his marriage by giving you access to where he and his wife lay their heads at night.
  10. Never brings you around friends. – People talk. And at some point it will get out that he is parading around town with someone other than his wife.

And if he ever admits to being married, please believe he will:

  1. Bash his wife to you.
  2. Say things like “I wish I was single.”
  3. Make you feel like the only girl in the world.
  4. Stall, and make up excuse after excuse about why he is not divorced.

Now one can only hide the fact that they are married but for so long. And after his secret has been uncovered, you only a few options:

  1. Walk away.
  2. Confront him and walk away.
  3. If you decide to stay, know that you will forever be his side chick. So please do not expect to hold a number one spot in life. And if in the event he does decide to leave her for you, know that how you got him, sis, is eventually how you will lose him.

As I stated in the beginning, I have had the unfortunate experience of dating men who hid their marital status, and would hate for you to have to go through the same thing. So please be sure to study these top ten reasons thoroughly. And, if you know someone who may be dating a potentially married man, do your sis a favor, and share this post with them as well.

Because after all, there are far too many men in this world, for you to be stuck on one who you constantly have to ask, “But aren’t you married?”.

xoxo, Racquel

(18) Comments

  1. Natasha says:

    This is all true but it gets even more complicated to me if they are living separate and still are unsure what to do ….. It’s all the the truth..

    1. artofsingle says:

      My rule has always been, separated doesn’t equal divorced. It makes things a whole lot less complicated when the divorce is finalized.

  2. Honey, you hit the nail on the HEAD! These are so true but unfortunately, I’ve come across some people that take the side chicks out in public. Introduce them to their friends and give you the side eye if you ever see them with their wife, lol! Life is too short to be a side chick!

    1. artofsingle says:

      Girl.. you are so right. I think with the whole “side chicks be winning” mentality, it makes ppl turn a blind eye to it. It couldn’t be me though. I’m too damn selfish to be anyone’s side anything lol.

  3. Let me just say, I am glad I am not single LOL!!! It seems like dating is getting harder and harder these days.

    1. artofsingle says:

      Girl! Tell me about it! Sometimes I just put my head down and convince myself that being a nun might be the best option for me lol.

  4. Mannn they are out here in droves!! Married women feel safe cause they are married, but her man is acting like he’s single.

    1. artofsingle says:

      Girl! They 👏🏾 are 👏🏾 out 👏🏾 here 👏🏾. And I feel so bad for the wives because they have no idea what’s going on.

  5. Girl! says:

    I wonder… is it natural for one to want their cake & eat it too? 🤔

    1. artofsingle says:

      Its absolutely natural for one to want their cake and eat it too, but doesn’t mean that necessarily have to have, or need it. It’s all about portion control. 😌

  6. Facts! Don’t let these social media side chicks fool you. You will not get the man and if you do, as you said, how you get him is how you will lose him.

    1. artofsingle says:

      EXACTLY!! Side chicks ARE NOT winning.

  7. Love that you used your own experiences to write this! It felt honest but still judgement-free.

    1. artofsingle says:

      Thank you so much! I’m just trying to save the girls from going through what I’ve been through.

  8. You got it down to a tee married men are no good

    1. artofsingle says:

      Girl they’re the absolute worst.

  9. Jenna says:

    That is a spoken truth! It also applies to men in a relationship with someone else too.

    1. artofsingle says:

      It definitely does!

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