You ever dealt with a person for an extended period of time and find yourself asking:
“What exactly are we again?”
With so much ambiguity when it comes to dating/courting, it’s no wonder we don’t know where we stand with one another.
The idea of trying to Define the Relationship or DTR in 2017, is about as outdated as a T-Mobile Sidekick. And I know I may sound every bit of my 32 years of age, but do people even court anymore?
With no real clarification or intentions, coupled with so much emphasis being placed on the sexual aspect of things, we oftentimes find ourselves getting comfortable, and going along with a program we never even signed up for. Then when asked about our relationship status, we stutter like Porky the Pig, explaining the complexities of what we are. Because in reality, we’re stuck in that exhausting and time consuming grey area.
Oh, and did I forget to mention the fact that we’ll sometimes commit our loyalty in haste, with the expectation that things will work out in our favor? And we do this because somewhere in our minds, we’re too afraid of having that uncomfortable, yet necessary conversation. So we’ll just play nicely in the sandbox, praying for that coveted title we’ve been longing for.
But why can’t we just DTR?
Now when I say DTR, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. But some kind of conversation needs to be had so that no one is left not knowing what either person expects.
For example, in my former life, I used to find myself in situationships for a lot longer than I should have been. In my mind we were always working towards building something great, but little did I know, they would have a different agenda. I’d give up all my options, make all kinds of commitments, and to a select few, start showing wife-like qualities. After carrying on like that, I would finally ask what we were and where things were going, and would typically get an “I don’t know” in return.
And it hurt.
Angry with them, and angry with myself, I probably would have avoided unnecessary disappointment, and handled things way differently had we just DTR’d in the beginning.
In short, no one likes to be left in the dark. And no one likes to feel like they’re being backed into a wall. Have the DTR talk, and put your expectations on the table so you can free yourself up for what not only want, but what you deserve.