I had a moment last week. In fact, it happened right after I posted about my Accidental Abstinence. Instead of me celebrating where I was in making it to one year without sex and overcoming being broken, I started focusing on the negative.
Thoughts of being unpretty, unloveable, and undesirable filled my head. In addition to feeling all kinds of heaviness and anxiety about the possibility of being single, alone, and abstinent for the rest of my life. Like it weighed on me to the point where I almost called “Brotha Tyrone From Up the Road”, to come through, blow my back out, and as Halle Berry said, “Make me feel good.”
And we all know who “Brotha Tyrone From Up the Road” is. He’s the one with no job, no life, and no business. In fact, the only things he has going for himself, are his XBox, the couch that he may or may not being paying rent to sleep on in his grandmother’s basement, and well… you know what else.
I was just looking for a temporary fix for something that wasn’t even damaged or broken.
Sometimes when we are on our paths of greatness, those fears that lie dormant within our self-conscious, can cause us to think the total opposite of what we are. And leaves us entertaining thoughts of quitting, or worse, reverting back to patterns that we have worked so hard to escape from. That and, when we really start making strides, we begin to look at other areas in our lives that aren’t as “together”. Paying more attention to what we think we are lacking, and less on the abundance that’s in store.
It’s at these moments you have to give yourself some credit.
You, who has overcome so much and worked so hard to get to where you are. You, who has beat the odds and did what others are too afraid to do. You, who has relied so heavily on your faith that you knew something good had to happen, because anything is better than what you had before.
You have to get into a habit of being present, taking things one day at a time, and most important, always maintaining a continuous attitude of gratitude. It is there where you will pull yourself out of the slump, that you have somehow fallen into. It is also there, where you will find your strength when it feels like you don’t have any left.
It’s okay to have a moment. And in fact, when you’re having one of those days, I encourage you to give yourself the opportunity to feel and heal. But sis, after you’ve finished eating your weight in fatty foods and crying your eyes out, pull yourself up by the bootstraps, because you still have work to do.
When I had my moment, my life coach reminded me that my singleness is only a season. She also instructed me to turn my lights out, smell some lavender, and guided me through a breathing exercise. I inhaled all the positive things that I am, and exhaled all the negative things my mind was trying to trick me into believing. After doing that five times, I returned to my center, and deleted “Brotha Tyrone From Up the Road’s” phone number. Because the only person that I needed to, “Make me feel good”, was staring back at me when I looked in the mirror.
And sis, I’m almost certain that when you look into your mirror, after having your moment, what you need the most, will be staring back at you too.