Confessions Men & Dating

#TinderTales Pt. 4: Stanford

Hey Beautiful!

So while we’re on the subject of Broken Man Syndrome (BMS), allow me to introduce you to my second Tinder Date. Stanford.

It wasn’t long after I’d matched with Stanford, that we exchanged numbers and had a real conversation. We would sit on the phone for hours talking about everything. He explained to me that he was a single father with full custody of his son.

Stanford and his son’s mother hadn’t had the best relationship, and she ghosted shortly after their son was born. He also went on to tell me about how and hadn’t had very much luck with women, especially ones he met online. And kept bringing up a woman he went on a date with, who kissed him on the mouth at the conclusion their evening and then disappeared.

For our first date, I suggested one of my favorite restaurants and dancing afterwards. Dinner was a little awkward, as Stanford insisted on sitting on the same side of the booth as me, but nonetheless, we continued having great conversation.

When it came to dancing, our rhythms were completely in sync with one another. On the outside looking in, one would think we had been together for years, that’s just how comfortable we were. We shared a kiss before parting ways, and he thanked me for restoring his faith in women and dating.

After our initial date, Stanford and I talked everyday for no less than 2 hours at a time. One day, the conversation turned serious, as he was asking if I believed in love at first sight, saying how he felt like I was the one, and that there was no one else for him. He also wanted us to get off our respective dating sites together (like he wanted us to go on a date, and do it at the same time to solidify our “relationship”). I noticed he was starting to get a little clingy, so I decided to slow things down just a bit.

I ended our phone calls earlier and didn’t text as much. I tried to create some kind of distance between us, so as not to rush into anything too soon. Truth be told, I was enjoying getting to know Stanford, and didn’t want there to be any blurred lines. That and, my grandmother was ill at the time, and I needed to be more hands on with her.

I had to cancel our next date, due to some personal issues, of which Stanford initially appeared to be okay with. Out of nowhere, he called explaining how he has personal issues of his own, but was able to make time. He also insisted that I talk to him if something is wrong, accused me of trying to control things, brought up the fact that I didn’t send as many “good morning” texts as he did, and pretty much guilt tripped me. But then followed up with saying he could understand if I still wanted to cancel.

I started to feel somewhat bad, and decided that maybe I should go. If nothing else, it would help take my mind off things.

Stanford and I ended up going out for ice cream that night, and that’s when things really took a turn for the worse. After talking more about our interests, I realized we didn’t have as much in common as I thought. He was more of a homebody, and I like to be out and about. He prefers to be low key, and I’m a ball of energy. He would be satisfied eloping in Vegas, and I want a big wedding with no less than ten bridesmaids. He wanted to have sex sooner rather than later, and I wanted to wait.

The tone of the conversation turned, and I could feel Stanford’s attitude begin to shift. He then started out his next statement saying, “The problem with women is, you all like to control the situation…”.  

It was at that moment, I realized the remainder of the evening was not going to go well.

We left the ice cream parlor, and I could sense that something wasn’t right. Stanford brought up the topic of sex again, and I had to explain to him my reasoning for wanting to wait. He seemed to be ok, then brought it back up again. This went on for about an hour, and he kept saying that I was trying to “control the relationship”. At one point, we decided to just end the night.

Not long after I had gotten home, I received a call from Stanford saying if I wanted to end things, then he would be ok. I told him that while the thought hadn’t crossed my mind, it would probably be best. And then he lost it. Saying that I was just like all the other women he’d dated before.

Once again, guilt tripping me.

I told him I was in no mood to argue, wished him a goodnight, and hung up the phone. The next morning, I got another call from Stanford asking how I was, and wanting to revisit our discussion from the night before. I was tied up, taking care of things around the house and helping my grandmother, and just didn’t have time to talk to him. Stanford then went on a rant asking if I ever really liked him in the first place, and how could I want to end things so soon. He even accused me of lying about my grandmother’s illness, and said that I was using it as an excuse to not want to be with him.

At that point, I went completely off, to call me a liar and drag my family into it was unacceptable.

Later that weekend, I started receiving a series of DMs on Instagram from Stanford, wanting to argue again. I decided to apologize for anything I may have done to lead him on, or bring us to that point, but it just wasn’t good enough. He was insisting on rehashing the argument.

And to be honest, I had forgotten what we were even arguing about.

I grew tired of the back and forth. It was apparent that Stanford wasn’t going to let this go. He just wasn’t satisfied unless he got the last word. And when I went silent, he would start up again. It got to a point where I just stopped responding and ignored him.

About a month later, I received a DM from Stanford, asking how I was and if we could start over. I told him I was no longer interested, as we had different points of view, and to take care. I also had a lot going on and couldn’t dedicate that kind of time to him or anyone else. Right then, Stanford started back up accusing me of lying on my grandmother, wasting his time, blah, blah, blah.

I had, had enough, and blocked his ass.  

And even though he’s been blocked, there’s still a tiny bit of fear that when I see a DM notification, it’s Stanford, wanting to start the argument all over again.  

Whew! That was a lot, and honestly, I should have blocked his ass a long time ago. So tell me, have you ever had an experience or met anyone like that? Leave your confession in the “want to be featured section”. I want to hear from you!

xoxo, Racquel


(2) Comments

  1. Wow! What a story! You dodged a bullet on that one. Thanks for following us on Twitter and leading us to your blog. We love your writing and storytelling and totally dig your mission/purpose for this blog.

    1. artofsingle says:

      Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!! Ans yeah, I definitely dodged a MAJOR bullet!

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