I need to be transparent with you for a second. I woke up this morning feeling like crap. I cried off and on, lost all motivation, and had a text-vent session with one of my best friends. Now I try not to complain, but if I had to be honest, today was one of those days where being single sucked.
Like every day, I went to bed alone, I woke up alone, and when I return home, I’m going to walk in to an empty house. No one to greet me at the door, no one excited to see me. But for some reason, I really found myself hating it today. And out of nowhere these feelings of loneliness and abandonment just overcame me. It’s like this cloud of depression was looming overhead and a thunderstorm of sad emotions just came pouring down…..
Let me give you a backstory, see I’m a granddaddy’s girl. Meaning I was the apple of his eye and held the key to his heart. He spoiled me, showed me how a lady was supposed to be treated, and was the first man to ever tell me that I was a queen (Queen Pookie was his nickname for me). He showered me with so much love and affection that I knew at an early age I wanted my future husband to be just like him or better.
Then when I was fifteen, I learned that he had cancer. I prayed and prayed that he would at least make it to my sixteenth birthday, so that when I was allowed to date, I could bring some lucky guy to meet him. Unfortunately, granddaddy passed away a couple weeks prior. His death hit me like nothing I could have ever imagined. I was hurt, mad a God, it’s like the wind was knocked out of me. The day he passed away, was the day I experienced loneliness and abandonment for the first time, and in some ways, it turned me cold.
Since then, I have had issues with guys because none of them have been able hold a candle to my granddaddy. The majority of them in fact have been disappointments, and one of my biggest fears is that I will never marry someone like him. Fast forward to last night, I had a conversation with one of my cousins, and for the first time I shared my feelings of loneliness and abandonment. I went to bed last night replaying that conversation in my head and when I woke up this morning, it was all I could think about.
I felt lonely and abandoned, because the one person who I considered my everything was no longer here, and I had no one like him to remind me that I wasn’t. And to make matters worse, I couldn’t even think of a past potential boyfriend who I could at least vent to that would hold my hand and tell me that I was ok. And it hurt. And it made me really sad.
But in the midst of my text-vent session with my friend, she reminded me that because I had a granddaddy like that, it’s an indication that men like him do exist. And that I need to keep working at perfecting myself.
Beautiful, I know that there are many of you out there like me who have had days just like this. You have this ideal mate in mind, and often struggle with thoughts that he’s either not coming or is simply a figment of your imagination. I also know that this single journey is hard, and if you’re not careful, this thing can get the best of you. But I need you to know that you are not alone in this and you have not been abandoned. Your happily ever after is coming, but you need to focus on being a better you throughout this process.
This is what being single is all about. It’s more than just being content with where you are or preparing you to be someone’s wife, it’s getting you together for you. It’s shaping you and positioning you to be the woman you are destined to be.
If you want to write that book, write it. If you want to lose those 20lbs, lose them. If you want to start that business, take that class, or be more involved in that organization, don’t let anything stop you. There is so much beauty in being single, but we have to stop letting those bad days get us to a point where all we can see is single. And who knows, your happily ever after may even be attached to that thing you have set out to do.
Well Beautiful, I’m starting to feel a little better and am now reminded of what I need to do. But before I go, I just want to remind once again you that you are never alone, you are far from being abandoned, and even when you don’t feel it, you are always loved.
Hey Beautiful! Feeling lonely, abandoned, not quite sure what to do while you’re waiting? Stop by the “want to be featured?” tab, and send me your confession of your most transparent moment being single. I want to hear from you!