Confessions Single Lessons

Where’s Your Man At?

Hey Beautiful!

With the holiday season in full swing, it can prove to be difficult for many. A time that’s supposed to be spent appreciating the things that matter most, the holidays can oftentimes serve as a reminder of what you don’t have or what you’ve lost. Especially if you’re single.

I had a conversation with someone recently about her reservations going into this time of year. And talking to her made me remember how much I loathe this season.

From Halloween until the first week of the New Year, you can typically find me hiding under a rock avoiding all family gatherings. And it’s not that I don’t like the food, or being around my loved ones. It’s the unwanted questions/comments about my relationship status or lack thereof. You know, the:

“Where’s your man at?”

“When are you going to bring someone around?”

“When are you going to get married and start a family?”

“How come you haven’t found someone yet?”

“Do you want to be married?”

“Have you tried online dating?”

“Maybe you should go to church more often.”

“Just keep your head up, your time will come.”

“He’s coming sooner than you think. Watch!”

“You’re great, I can’t believe no one has snatched you up yet.”

“Maybe one day we’ll be celebrating the holidays with you and your family.”

Etc., etc., etc.

And I hate it. So much so that I feel like I have to keep my guard up in anticipation that someone is going to say something along those lines.

It’s almost as if I’m not good enough on my own. Like once I reach a certain age, I need a companion in order to validate my existence.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have wrapped my mind around the fact that my forever bae will come when the time is right. But what I don’t need, is a constant reminder that he isn’t here yet. Or a sad attempt at trying to sympathize with me over my single status. Especially when I never asked for sympathy in the first place.

Over the years, I’ve come up with a few responses to re-route the conversation whenever the topic of me and who I’m dating would come up. These one liners can be used on relatives of all ages. So if you’re worried about coming off as disrespectful to your elders, fear not. In no specific order, my go-to’s include:

“This is a sensitive topic for me, do you mind if we change the subject?”

“I’ll take your suggestions into consideration, thanks!”

“Thank you for your concern, do you have someone in mind?”

“I have no idea where, my man is at. But if you find him, kindly send him my way.”

“I’m not sure when he’s coming, but when he does, I’ll make sure you’re the first person to meet him.”

“Maybe you should send up a few prayers on my behalf. Clearly, mine aren’t working.”

And my personal favorite:

“No disrespect, but who I am dating, and when I decide to date is simply not open for discussion.”

I look forward to the day where these uncomfortable conversations are a thing of the past, and I can go into the holidays without my family interrogating me about my love life. Until then, although my comebacks may not stop the questions/comments from coming, it gets them off my back for that moment, and leaves room for me enjoy our time spent together.

xoxo, Racquel


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